THINGS ARE, SO DIFFERENT HERE [holden]

[KAITLIN SUMMER PHOENIX]

* all truths seem to disappear ,
AND WHO YOU WERE DOESN'T MATTER.

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( my point is a better view, make me look beautiful. and every face, same old story )[/center]

Kicking back in her comfortable chair and smiling to herself, Kaitlin placed her hands behind the back of her head and breathed out a small, contented sigh. Of course, it hadn’t been her idea to go on this big luxury boat; it had been her manager’s idea and whilst she was still getting used to the initial idea of it, a huge part of her felt that it probably was the right thing to do. After all, she had spent the majority of her time in a jet-set life with hardly any time spent on the ground. Being told what to do and when to do it by her manager, who by the way, had her wrapped around his little finger so much that she barely had time to breath for herself, let alone think. It sounded bad that her manager had to be this way with her, never letting her ask questions for herself, or answer questions that were put to her without first consulting him. It was like every little thing that she did was controlled by the big man. The one who wouldn’t let her get away.

And quite frankly, Kaitlin was sick and tired of it all. Sure it’d taken her a good few years to work her way up to this stage, and sure she’d had to do a few dirty deeds to get to where she was now. But at the end of the day, she didn’t need anyone to control her life.

What she really needed was for some form of stability that came from herself, rather than from the people around her. Though Kaitlin couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit thankful for what her manager had done for her, that still didn’t exactly stop her from being so, incredibly shit scared of the man. At least he’d been far too old to venture on this cruise from her. It’s what Kaitlin needed the most- time away from the man who controlled her life, and time to herself to relax and reflect on her surroundings.

A good, long cruise holiday, cut off from the rest of the world was exactly what she needed. Hell, it may even help with the headaches that she suffered from as a direct result of her childhood and teen illness. But then again, nothing had really helped with the headaches; not even the sleeping pills that she’d been given at one point by the school nurse, back in Eisley Prep. That night had been an incredibly terrible night- it had felt like her whole brain was going to explode and Kaitlin could remember it ever so vividly. She closed her eyes at the thought of it, the way Spencer had been panicking and the way the Principle and the school nurse had been so cold and almost irresponsible (in a way) towards her ailments.

Whatever, right? Now was not the time to be dwelling on the past. Now was the time to be thinking about the future and about what she was going to do whilst she was on this boat. Other than party it up all night, every night with Spencer and Serenity, of course. Oh, and eat lots of vegan cheesecake and dance the night away. Now was the time to live in the moment and be a little reckless. After all this whole cruise she was by herself; her manager was nowhere to be found (because he was too old, haha) and she could do what she pleased. At last! This was something that Kaitlin had been waiting for, for a long time. She smiled lightly to herself and kicked back in her chair a little more; closing her eyes and letting out another content sigh.

Spencer was right, maybe she should get out of her cabin for a bit and explore this new found land that was called boat. It would do her the world of good; and the fresh sea air would help clear her lungs and her mind a little. Yeah; it seemed like a very good idea. With that thought in her mind, Kaitlin decided to change out of her sweatpants and huge shirt, into something a little more, well, a little less comfortable, but more her; as it were.

Slipping out of her chair and moving across the floor to her suitcase, Kaitlin started to pile her clothes on the bed, rooting through the many pieces of material until she found a pair of denim shorts, a grey buttoned tank top and a shirt that smelt suspiciously like Boss and of past memories that had almost been completely purged from her mind. Blinking back sudden tears, Kaitlin shrugged it off without a second thought and pulled it on over the top of the tank top. Everything she owned now was too big for her. The tank top didn’t fit her perfectly; it didn’t hug her frame like it used to and the shorts she wore slipped to her hips and stayed there; showing off her swallow hip tattoo’s. the shirt, that was not her own was a mans and therefore it was automatically way too big for her. So, Kaitlin neglected to do the buttons up; she just left it open. She added to her attire a pair of calf length boots and the bracelet Holden had given her at one point during their relationship. She was already wearing an Alice in wonderland necklace as she dusted her eyes darkly and tied her hair up in a rather messy pony tail.

Then, she was good to go.

Grabbing her purse and shoving it into the pocket of her jeans (making them slip down her hips a little more), Kaitlin stepped out of her VIP room and immediately turned left. She had no idea what had compelled her to turn left, but she did it without questioning her thoughts and ended up standing outside a casino. Blinking, she pursed her lips together and debated in her head about whether or not to enter. Up until now she’d never even seen a casino up close; let alone set foot in one. A piece of her mind was telling her that it was a bad idea and against her better judgement. Whilst another piece was telling her that it was a crazy excellent idea and that she should stop being such a hermit and go a little crazier than usual.

Her thought patterns were interrupted however when someone walked right up behind her. Hitching a breath in her throat, Kaitlin jumped about a foot in the air and whirled around immediately. Losing her footing in the process and almost crashing to the ground if it had not been for the person behind her, fortunately.

WORDS » one one two two
YOU'RE IT » holden
LYRICS » hollywood; the veronicas
OUTFIT » here
MUSIC » hollywood; the veronicas
NOTES » damn you're looking pretty boy you got it goin' on

[HOLDEN RUSH BARNETT]

hate is a strong word, but i really,

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REALLY, REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU. NOW THAT IT'S OVER, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
I LIKED ABOUT YOU. BROUGHT YOU AROUND, AND YOU JUST BROUGHT ME DOWN.[/center]

» It was the kind of night that called for mayhem, and Holden was just the guy to deliver it. He was strutting around the ship with his hands in his pockets, looking cool, calm and collected and smiling at everyone he passed. That alone seemed to be a disturbance on the ship. People who knew him--which was pretty much everybody on the ship--would either smile or wave back in confusion or fear and others just made faces at him and steered clear, sure that he was up to some new prank. This simply wasn't true, but Holden loved the feeling he got from just walking down the hallways. He was so notorious on the ship already that he didn't even have to do anything. His mere presence did all the action for him.

» But frightening people in the hallway just wasn't fun enough, so Holden went off to other parts of the ship he had yet to really explore in search of entertainment. He had hardly been on the third floor of the ship, so that's where he went off to and he stumbled into the casino, thinking it would be fun to do a bit of gambling. Holden wasn't exactly a lucky guy. He was sneaky, which got him out of a lot of sticky situations after pulling pranks, but he certainly wasn't lucky. He wasn't particularly talented with card games either, although he did love to play them. Still, lack of talent and lack of luck combined did not make a good player in a casino. But Holden had nothing better to do, so he approached a roulette table and watched the game as it progressed.

» Thirty minutes later, Holden left the table with a huge grin on his face and two hundred and twenty bucks in his pocket. And he'd thought he wasn't lucky. Holden laughed to himself and patted his pocket, which was now much more stretched out than it'd been when he first walked in. He was so busy being so smug about the whole thing that he wasn't quite paying attention to where he was going, and he kind of bumped into this blond in front of him. Holden didn't even have enough time to spout out an apology (instinctively, of course, seeing as he would never really apologize to a blond) before the girl whirled around and started to fall. He was right behind her and barely made any effort to catch her. She kind of just fell into his arms and he held her under her neck and her waist. Holden laughed and raised his eyebrows at the lady, who looked to be alright. "Whoa there, missy. Watch yourself--"

[/color]

» Holden suddenly lost his voice when he realized who he was holding in his arms. It couldn't possibly be. But no, he'd recognize that face anywhere. An unreadable expression flickered on his face for just a second before Holden broke out into a wide smile. But don't be fooled--this was no friendly smile. In fact, he looked more dangerous than a cat about to pounce on its prey. And that's exactly how he felt too. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?"[/color] he murmured, talking mostly to himself, but still loud enough for Kaitlin to hear. "You've got to be kidding me."[/color]

» Kaitlin Summer Phoenix. The infamous (and now also just famous) ex-girlfriend. As far as Holden was concerned, evil took a physical form in the small blond. He had hoped after leaving California that he'd never have to see her again, but clearly Holden's hopes meant nothing to the world. He really just wasn't a lucky guy. All he could do as he looked down at her, still suspended in his arms, was laugh. It was either that or he'd punch something. Holden wasn't pretty when he was angry and he didn't want Kaitlin to see him lose his cool--especially not over her. However, seeing her again just reminded him that the wounds she left in him were still fresh. And they fucking hurt.

» But Holden was quick on his feet and already had ideas running through his head for how to deal with the lovely Miss Phoenix. He briefly considered dropping her, but he knew that might get him into some trouble. The security guards had been watching him ever since he strutted into the casino, clearly expecting him to wreak some havoc and possibly set something on fire. Even though he hadn't done anything wrong or suspicious yet, they hadn't taken their eyes off of him. Dropping Kaitlin would probably not be the wisest thing to do. Holden smirked; since when did he follow the path of wisdom?

» "Hollybird,"[/color] he started, practically purring one of his favorite nicknames for her. He looked down at her fondly, but his eyes twinkled with mischief. "It's been so long," Holden whispered, leaning down closer to Kaity's face. He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "So, so long..."[/color] With his lips slightly parted, Holden continued to stare into Kaitlin's eyes and leaned in closer and closer. He paused when his face was a mere inch or so away from hers and he seemed to ask a wordless question with just his eyes. Holden licked his lips before pressing on forwards.

» Then, right before their lips met, he dropped her, just like he'd planned. While he didn't just throw her down, he definitely could have been way gentler than he was. "Oops,"[/color] he said simply, not even offering her a hand to get back up. And then, just like that, Holden's smiles had completely disappeared from his face and he scowled at Kaitlin, crossing his arms over his chest. "And just what the fuck are you doing here, bitch? I thought I made it clear that I never wanted to see your whoring face ever again."[/color] Holden glared for emphasis. He was finally getting the chance to be as nasty to her as he'd wanted to all that time ago. Still, he knew that no matter how many words he threw at her, he still wouldn't be able to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt him.

» You can bet your ass that didn't stop him from trying, though.[/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote]

» tagged;; kaitlin summer phoenix ! » outfit;; here.
» lyrics;; hate (i really don't like you) -- plain white t's.
» music;; with a little help from my friends -- joe cocker.
» words;; 1,037. » notes;; oh ho ho.
» credit;; template is all mine, bby!

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[KAITLIN SUMMER PHOENIX]

* all truths seem to disappear ,
AND WHO YOU WERE DOESN'T MATTER.

[/b][/size][/font]
( my point is a better view, make me look beautiful. and every face, same old story )[/center]

It was strange to think that Kaitlin was all of a sudden so clumsy, but at that particular moment in her time, all the sanity that she’d ever had just seemed to dissipate into nothing-ness and she’d ended up whirling and causing a small scene. Out of the corner of her eye she had noticed that there were some security guards watching the scene unfold as the minutes crept passed; whether or not they knew who she was didn’t matter to her at the moment- though it was certain that all the security knew, and could put faces towards what little celebrities were stowed away on this cruise. After all, everyone here was between eighteen and twenty five. Even if they weren’t supposed to know; Kaitlin was pretty sure that they’d know most of the famous people. Right now, however, she wished that they didn’t know who she was, because of her current situation.

Not that it was anything bad, or even remotely good; but falling into the arms of a stranger didn’t seem like the appropriate way to go about getting noticed. Of course, Kaitlin didn’t want to get noticed; what she really wanted was to have a nice quiet, relaxing time amongst people she didn’t know, or didn’t want to get to know. She’d come a long way since her time at Eisley prep. A long way indeed. And just lately seemed to spark up her old personality of not really wanting to have much to do with most of the people who she appeared to be around. Least of the person who’s arms she was in. Not that she knew who he was, as of yet, but all in good time, right?

The voice that came from the male wasn’t one that she instantly recognised; neither did she care much for his voice. Kaitlin was more worried about the way that he’d caught her in his arms. Almost like he was going to strangle her, or, at the very least give her an unnecessary Heimlich manoeuvre. Neither of those options seemed to be very good and she didn’t like the prospect of having to endure them either. Kaitlin was actually about to untangle herself from the male until he looked at her. She looked back at him. Her jaw dropped a little and a breath hitched in her throat. No, it couldn’t possibly be? It wasn’t.. was it?

Kaitlin swallowed. She kept deadly still in his arms, almost as though she was afraid to move for fear of even more physical contact (which was, most definitely something she hated with a passion). When he smiled, however, Kaitlin was quite taken aback and almost recoiled; but instead blinked rapidly and quickly closed her mouth just in case she said something utterly and irreversibly stupid. Not that it’d be the first time she’d done anything like that; but for some reason… she just didn’t want that to happen right now. No. What she really wanted was for this nightmare to end and for her to just go back to her VIP room and drink the rest of the night away. Not even Spencer Kelly would be able to change her mind on that.

After a moment, Kaitlin opened her mouth to speak, but then he started to talk and she quickly closed her mouth again. As she spoke she studied his face; taking everything into account about his facial features whilst biting down on the inside of her cheek as she waited for the moment where he would just shut up. She’d also temporarily forgotten that she wasn’t in an upright position, and that she was still in his arms. Immediately her mind started to wander about all the unwelcome, unfriendly possibilities that could happen in this kind of situation and it scared her. Narrowing her eyes a little at him, Kaitlin eventually came to the conclusion that the wide smile on his face was not a friendly one, but rather a dangerous one. This now meant that there was a deadly game of cat and mouse afoot; just like before. Only this time, Kaitlin was the mouse and Holden, quite clearly, was the cat.

It had been an incredibly long time since she’d seen his face and hadn’t heard from him in a very long time. Though of course Kaitlin didn’t exactly blame him for having not gotten into contact with her. She had, after all been a complete bitch to him during the time that they’d dated. Through no fault of her own she would have liked to add, but unfortunately he’d just never really listened to her because she was “changing” and it wasn’t a change for the better either. It was something far worse. There had been a time where Kaitlin would have liked to attempt to patch things up with Holden; but then she’d slept with the director of the theatre that she was trying to get in with and things just went even more downhill from there. She had regretted that. Very much so. It had been totally out of character for her and she just wished that she had some form of time machine (preferably one that wasn’t made out of cardboard boxes and chicken wire), so that she could go back to the time in California and hopefully make everything right again.

Truth be told, Kaitlin actually missed Holden. Incredibly so. To the point where it was kind of difficult for her to sleep at night when thoughts of him were running through her head, with all the things she’d said to him. Yes, Kaitlin had hurt him, and yes she did want to make things better, but the only problem was that she didn’t know how to go about doing this, and if she even so much as attempted to patch things up, she had a feeling that she’d probably make things a hell of a lot more worse than before. Which was something that she did not want to do. So steered clear.

Of course then, Holden had to go ahead and indirectly purr out the nickname that he’d given to her during their dating time. He sounded dangerous. Not only dangerous, but also pissed. Kaitlin swallowed the bile that was rising up in her throat and tried to look at him directly. She figured that if she just continued to look at him eventually there’d be a huge gaping hole in his head and she could just stare at the wall, or door, or whatever it was that was behind him. But that wasn’t going to happen. At least not whilst he was leaning closer and closer to her face. So close, in fact that she could feel his hot breath against her cold skin, and she didn’t like it in the least bit.

All of a sudden she was falling. It seemed to take forever to fall and when she finally did hit the ground, it was uncomfortable and painful. Her new, incredibly slim figure meant that she didn’t have half as much of a high pain tolerance as she used to. Grimacing, and trying to not give him the satisfaction that he’d hurt her physically. Kaitlin just sat there on the floor as she had to endure listening to his voice talk some more to her. Calling her a bitch and then a whore, indirectly, or directly; either way she didn’t seem to care.

After a long stretch of silence from Kaitlin she finally cleared her throat and grasped the hem of his t-shirt, tugging firmly, pulling him down so that she was the one who was up in his face, rather than the other way around. For another long moment she just looked him directly in the eyes, studying him for a moment before releasing her grasp and getting to her feet. If she was going to have to tolerate being on the same boat as him until they got back to Florida Keys, then she was going to need a drink, and lots of it. Her hand was itching to slap him across the face, but she knew that wouldn’t be such a good idea, instead she did the only human and incredibly girly route she could take and apologised to him. Shifting uncomfortably as she opened her mouth and took a deep breath.

“I.. I’m sorry, Rush.”

WORDS » one three nine four
YOU'RE IT » holden
LYRICS » hollywood; the veronicas
OUTFIT » here
MUSIC » none
NOTES » o; she's kinda scared xD

[HOLDEN RUSH BARNETT]

you were everything i wanted, you were

[/i][/b][/color][/font]
EVERYTHING A GIRL COULD BE. THEN YOU LEFT ME BROKEN-HEARTED. NOW YOU DON'T
MEAN A THING TO ME. ALL I WANTED WAS YOUR LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.[/center]

» It was strange, the amount of memories that came flooding back just from seeing her again. Some of them were--surprisingly--good memories, the few that he even dared to think about. But most of them were examples of her cruelty, her selfishness, her absolute thirst for fame, to make something of herself. Those were the kind of memories that made Holden's eye twitch and made him unconsciously curl his fingers into a tight fist. Those were the kind of memories that could spark his rage like nothing else. Holden had been disappointed time after time in his life. First by his parents, then by general society and of course, by Kaitlin Phoenix. He had let himself get entangled in other people's life stories and he'd allowed himself to feel sympathy and compassion for them. He'd expected the same in return, but all he got was coldness and the constant reminder that it was a dog-eat-dog world. The one lesson he'd learned was that it truly was every man for himself.

» What made him so angry with Kaitlin was that he'd thought she was so different. He'd thought she'd be someone he could count on, someone who would really understand him. Someone who would love him. Let's be honest--isn't that what everyone's really after? He'd been right, in a way. Kaitlin hadn't been like everyone else. No, she'd been worse. She pushed him away when he wasn't useful, she hated him for not being ambitious, she stepped all over him when it served her well and she used him. She had wrung him out like a wet cloth until every last drop was out. She'd left Holden high and dry. And no, it wasn't enough for her to just be a bitch and emotionally scar him. Oh no, she had to go and sleep with his fucking boss, the one guy left in Hollywood who Holden thought was worth his time. If Holden hated the fame before he met Kaitlin, he absolutely abhorred it now. He wanted it to burn and go up in flames. Fuck Hollywood, fuck Beverly Hills, fuck all the wannabe, ungrateful, untalented bastards. Fuck them all. Fuck them and their excess and their need for more. They were never satisfied. Fame was a drug and they were all sad addicts.

» Holden didn't understand how he could live in a world where this was the norm. It disgusted him beyond anything. And that was why Kaitlin Phoenix also disgusted him beyond belief. He couldn't believe she stood before him now. She looked different, he noticed, now that he had gotten his initial aggression out. Now he could take a moment to really look at her. If he was being quite honest, Kaitlin wasn't at her hottest. She'd always been attractive and that remained true, but she looked a little worn and a little worse for wear. Holden sneered. That was the life of the rich and famous for you. Everyone's on your dick twenty-four-seven, so you've got no time to breathe. Holden couldn't even feel bad for her because she'd brought it upon herself. Her clothes looked big on her. Even though she was relatively covered up, Holden could tell she'd lost a considerable amount of weight. Was she starving herself to adhere to beauty standards? Holden scoffed to himself; he wouldn't have been surprised. The plaid shirt she wore looked familiar and Holden realized it had been his, once upon a time. Had he given it to her? Holden wouldn't have been surprised about that either. He had been surprisingly sentimental back in the day. That was mostly why he and Kaitlin had lasted so long. He'd held onto her for longer than he should've and he took a lot of shit from her--enough to make the most patient of men walk out. He'd been lusting for the old, simple days when they just got along and were young kids living in L.A. and trying to make it in the crazy city.

» But those days were dead and gone and they would never come back. Holden wasn't sure if he even wanted them to come back at this point. Kaitlin had crossed so many lines with him. She was past the point of forgiveness in his mind. Just as he thought this, Kaitlin grabbed a hold of his shirt from her position on the floor and pulled him down towards her. Holden, completely caught off guard, looked at her with wide eyes, unsure of what she was going to do next. She'd always been feisty, so part of him expected a slap--some kind of payback, at least. But she didn't. She just stared into his eyes, making him somewhat uncomfortable since she was on the offensive, and then she got back up. Holden followed quickly after, straightening up and making a show of dusting off the ends of his shirt that she'd grasped.

» And then she apologized to him. “I.. I’m sorry, Rush.” Holden stopped moving and blinked up at her. She fucking apologized to him. Holden cupped his chin in his hand as he crossed his other arm over his chest and he just stared at Kaitlin. Did she...what was she even playing at? He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words and just ended up shutting his mouth again. He shook his head and laughed to himself, switching arms and just not being able to believe his situation. "What are the chances?" he murmured to himself. "What are the fucking chances?" Holden laughed again and paced around before leaning against a nearby slot machine, his chin still in his hand. He looked at Kaity as if he were amused, but inside, he was fuming.

» "You're sorry?" he repeated, as if asking her for clarification. "Oh, okay. I guess that makes everything better," he said sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air. They were definitely making a little bit of a scene by now, but Holden was too far gone to care. Security could kick him out of the casino if they liked--it didn't change the fact that he was stuck on this ship with his ex-girlfriend for the next couple of months. Fuck, this cruise is gonna suck, Holden thought to himself. He turned back to Kaitlin, his glare now back on and as strong as ever. "Do you think fucking apologizing to me is going to make one bit of a difference? Because it doesn't, for the record. It doesn't change anything. You're still a selfish bitch and I still hate you."

» Well. That felt good. Holden had never said that out loud to her, ever. He'd always told her he hated when she acted a certain way or did something, but he'd never said he hated her. It was...relieving. Kind of therapeutic. Holden considered saying it again, but instead he just waited for a response.

» tagged;; kaitlin summer phoenix ! » outfit;; here.
» lyrics;; hate (i really don't like you) -- plain white t's.
» music;; hot n cold -- katy perry.
» words;; 1,149. » notes;; he's so mean!
» credit;; template is all mine, bby!

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